One of the first things that we ask people we meet is “What do you do for a living?” This question can lead to an awkward silence, especially if you recently lost your job — or worse, your identity. I’m not talking about identity theft either. Here’s my experience with career related identity loss as a physical therapist. I’m sharing it with other to help lend support regardless of profession.

Career Beginnings

Ever since high school, I always wanted to become a physical therapist (PT). It was a burning desire to help people recover from their injuries so they can return to caring for themselves or their families. In 2014, I finally achieved this dream after 7 years of rigorous study. To add to the thrills of graduation and passing my licensure exam, I was accepted into a competitive residency program at a non-profit outpatient clinic.

While residencies for PTs are completely optional, I had a strong career goal to further my education and become an orthopedic clinical specialist. This residency program was specifically designed to provide me with the training and skills needed to achieve my aspirations. However, my passion to drive my career forward began to fade along with a large piece of my personal identity.

Initial Experiences

Fresh out of school, the repeated message of not being good enough caught me completely off guard. What was more surprising was that these words came from one of my residency mentors.

At first, I genuinely felt that my mentor’s teaching style didn’t quite match my own way of learning. However, I refused to let that discourage me. I persisted with sheer determination, firmly believing that my unwavering efforts would eventually lead to a well-deserved payoff. Despite my efforts, all I received was negative feedback, insults, and even threats – sometimes physical.

This lead me to feel incompetent, intimidated and powerless by my mentor’s mere presence. After drawing parallels between his actions and a CEU course on abusive relationships, I learned that it was happening to me and that I was not at fault for my failures or feeling the way I did. Most importantly, I learned I should’ve stuck with my gut and talk with someone when something didn’t seem right.

When things are not working, speak up rather than waiting for things to get worse.

Instead of focusing on the details of how he made me feel this way, let’s focus on some dynamics on why my first professional experience made me feel so lost and how you can learn from my mistakes. To do this, I will refer to a model called The Wheel of Life.

The Wheel of Life

The wheel of life is a concept originally created by Paul J. Meyer. He is considered the pioneer of the self-improvement industry. Many have made modifications to the areas of life measured in this model. The one that I like best is Zig Ziglar’s modification which considers intellect, social, family, spiritual, physical, financial, and career. As you might expect, each area of this pie has the potential to affect the other.

This is what mine looked like at the start of my residency. 

You can see that I was too heavily focused on my career. As the residency progressed, my focus shifted even more towards my career and studies. Of course, this took from other areas of my life such as spending time with my friends and family and spending little to no time in the gym.

As my life began to be thrown out of balance, I was poorly equipped to deal with the stressors to cope with unexpected events at work.

The unhappiness from my job began bleeding into other areas of my life. I began to isolate myself to avoid my mentor at work. I became agitated at home and I could no longer resolve familial issues with a cool head. My health too a tole and I stopped working out altogether, leading to me being underweight and borderline hypertensive. To add money to the mix, public service loan forgiveness became more uncertain in my situation and I began to worry about my 6-figure student loan debt! 

Not only was I questioning my career, intellect, and financial stability, I was questioning who I was and who I wanted to become. I felt stuck in a void with no answers and was just trying to survive. It wasn’t long before I felt useless to everyone around me. This was the most dangerous feeling I ever had. I essentially loss my identity because of how heavily focused I was on my career.

The Fix

My outlook drastically changed after being involved in a hit and run while walking to work. The van tossed me into the air and miraculously, I only ended up with a few bruises and a broken leg. This accident made me realize how valuable my life is. It is not defined by what I do and no job or person has the right to tell me otherwise.

I took control of my situation and sought professional help to figure out what was wrong with me. I also reached out to family and friends to discuss my feelings and difficulties at work. They already knew something was up and was willing to lend a helping hand. I don’t know what took so long for me to reach out to others, but the support provided me with clarity. It wasn’t me that was the problem, it was the toxic environment at work. 

This led me to leave the clinic and determined that no amount of career success or loan forgiveness is worth my happiness. I transitioned into a skilled nursing facility (SNF) to build up my confidence back up while paying my loans down. Changing jobs also came with a 10% pay raise allowing me to be more aggressive paying it off.

Currently

In 2017, I transitioned from a SNF to Home Health Care. I have learned to love my career again and enjoy the good people I work with.

Since “failing” out the residency, I have developed a better work-life balance, paid off over $100K of student debt  and now I am pursuing financial independence so I can allocate my time and energy to other passions and spending more time with loved ones.

As you can see below, I am living a more balanced life now as I live a life that is defined by much more than my career.

The Lessons I Have Learned To Avoid Career Related Identity Loss

You Are Good Enough

Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. One of the last things my “mentor” told me before I left was that I would fail without his supervision. He also whispered in my ear that he could destroy my career with a single phone call before hopping onto the elevators leaving for the day. He couldn’t have been more wrong. I have thrived ever since I left. I concurred my fears of critiscism or fears of being found out and opened my private practice and should be hitting nearly 6-figs this year (2023).

Most importantly, I am making a difference in my patient’s lives and the lives of my loved ones. I hated the fact that I allowed that “mentor” to make me feel so insignificant, but now that it’s happened, it will never happen again. I learned that when people are unjustifiably mean or unsupportive of you, it is more of their problem than yours. My tip to those who are in a toxic work environment: Make higher ups aware, transition elsewhere and spend less energy focusing on the negative people and more energy focusing on the people who matter to you.

Diversify Your Purpose As You Would Your Money

You don’t have to be a financial advisor to recognize how important it is to diversify your investment portfolio. You should take the same approach of where you spend your time and energy. Even if you are lucky enough to find meaning in your career, find purpose and develop goals outside of your career. This will help during times of uncertainty such as job-loss and retirement.

Ask For Help

No one knows what is going on in your head. Even though I was screaming for help inside, I was too proud, and in a way, too oblivious to ask for it. Prolonged sadness can lead to serious problems. If you have lost interest in doing things, feeling down or hopeless, seek help immediately. Also, there is no shame in reaching out to professionals, friends and family.

Own Your Future

My favorite quote I have hanging on my wall goes something like: “Life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change” by Jim Rohn. Bad things happen to people all the time. While it may not be your fault, it is your responsibility to find ways to better your life and happens with continuous meaningful action. 

We All Have A Unifying Purpose

The most important thing I learned is to shift my focus from my career to my relationships and experiences. I learned that I am so much more than a physical therapist. I’m a father, husband, brother, son, uncle, reliable friend, exercise enthusiast, financial fanatic, blogger, amateur photographer, perpetual learner and so much more.

I believe our unifying purpose is to be the difference in all the lives we touch throughout our life. So make a positive impact on those who matter to you. Allow yourself to laugh and make others laugh and most importantly, create memories and experiences you won’t forget.